A Kingly Gift
by AnAndrozaniWhiner
Summary: The Sixth Doctor and Peri land on Earth, only to find that guards attack them whenever they try to have a good time. Somebody must be rewriting history around them to ruin their days.


It was 9pm eastern time on the 14th of June, 2015. Or at the very least, the TARDIS television was tuned to MTV at 9pm eastern in the 14th of June 2015. Peri loved watching the strange Kardashian family living out their lives in this real life soap opera. Just in the middle of a heated argument between Kim and her mother, she heard an outraged voice she'd been dreading cry out behind her.  
"Kardashians? Kardashians? KARDASHIANS? I give you the chance to explore the finest wonders of the universe and you spend your time watching a bunch of puerile popstars prancing around for cameras? Oh that won't do at all!"  
"Well Doctor," replied Peri, exasperated. "I can't see any of these finest wonders around just now, so until then the Kardashians will just have to do".  
"Well we'll see about that! We've landed!"  
"Have we?"  
"Yes. After seeing the TARDIS was locked on to some of the worst in Earth's history, I decided to take you to the best. The Reign… of Terror" He finished by over pronouncing the last two words in an attempt to draw out their effect. Peri stood up and followed him because she knew it would be futile to try not to. He led out through the TARDIS and out the doors into a busy French high street. The buildings loomed large over them and the hundreds of citizens milling around them.  
"Bonjour Paris! Nous Sommes Arrivé!" announced the Doctor to the street with such volume and tenacity it's a wonder even the buildings weren't stirred to respond out of some despairing obligation.  
"Doctor, why exactly would you try to convince me to leave my nice armchair to take me to a time called 'terror'? In wintertime as well, seems like a waste of a trip to France to me."  
"Come along, Peri. The more you see of this place, the better." A few people jostled him as they walked past. "I come here so often you may even see another me around here too, which would be even more beneficial to you." It was at this point that the least beneficial thing for a relaxing and educational history trip happened, as two soldiers started advancing towards them with swords drawn.  
"This is the magical box which belongs to Robespierre! Move away from it immediately," said one of the guards, as they kept their distance. The street started to clear rapidly.  
"Now listen here!" Exclaimed the Doctor, "This box has been my property for thousands of years, so whatever claim your leader has upon it is insignificant compared to mine! So if you could please go and inform him of that, we'll be on our way." The guards started walking towards him, raising their weapons.  
"Quick, Peri, into the TARDIS!"  
"We're running away? Fin…" she started, but the Doctor pushed her in and slammed the doors behind him. He lurched towards the controls and set them for deep space. Peri looked at him.  
"So we stick around for walking plant monsters, but a couple of city policeman and we high tail it away?"  
"A couple of guards and a possible temporal collapse," said the Doctor, his grand exclamation a little more hollow than usual. "I told you, I visit this time period a lot, I might have caused something in my future which I would then be interefering with." He moved to the other side of the console so Peri couldn't see his face. "I just can't go back there for a while. Now where should we go instead, any ideas?" Peri opened her mouth. "Too late! I've had several. And the one I like the most is…" He pulled a switch with such vigour his coat billowed out dramatically. "Victorian London!" His coat settled.

They stepped out of the TARDIS into another busy city street, but this time it was significantly more industrial and Peri immediately started complaining about the smell. The Doctor hushed her, loudly, and was about to march off when he heard the whistle of a policeman, who was running at them from the end of the street.  
"Oh what is it now?!" Barked the Doctor.  
"You're under arrest for stealing from the Queen of the Empire!" Shouted the Policeman, puffing as he tried to split his breath between running, shouting and blowing the whistle. He spotted the police box sign as he drew within a distance of four houses "And for insulting the police as well, I suppose!"

The Doctor bundled Peri inside.

Back within the clean, white surroundings of the TARDIS, the Doctor started pacing.  
"Something strange is going on here. I can't have made this many mistakes" He stopped and leant over the console as though the answer might flash up on one of the controls.  
"Well… you're long lived, time lords, maybe a future regeneration of you…" She looked up and down at the bombastic man with his wildly curly hair and garish patchwork coat and hesitated. "Just isn't as good as you are now?"  
"Nonsense. Every regeneration has had a brobdingnagian intellect. Even when they couldn't see their stylings were bad. I mean, celery!" He paused for a moment while he tried to remember what he was talking about while Peri looked on sadly. "But I don't believe a future incarnation would be so reckless. No, there is a far larger scheme at work here. Let me try something…" He started pressing buttons. "51st Century Brisbane. I like to avoid it here so let's see…" The TARDIS landed and the Doctor bought up the scanner. They'd landed inside some sort of industrial facility with gun metal grey walls and steel doors. Two guards were staring at the TARDIS.  
"Is that the vanishing cabinet we were told to look out for?" one said.  
"The one that Minister Magnus Greel owns?" said the other.  
The Doctor looked on and then at Peri, who seemed confused. "I think that's all we need to see!" he said, and dematerialised for deep space as the guards started thumping on the outer doors and shouting threats.  
"How can everyone throughout history know what the TARDIS is?" Said Peri. "And more importantly, why do they all seem to own it!"  
"I don't know," said the Doctor. "How would I know, I've seen all the same things as you so far!"  
"Well what happened to that boing-a-bing intellect of yours?"  
"Brobdingagian" replied the Doctor, haughtily, deliberately avoiding the question and glad he had an excuse to.  
"Well maybe you get short of cash in the future, sell the TARDIS to kings and run away in it with the loot before they can come and get it from you?" suggested Peri, brightly.  
"Short of cash? Peri, I am a wanderer in the fourth dimension! I am above such petty whims! Although perhaps one of my enemies…" The Doctor smiled. "You might just be onto something there, Peri."  
"And you're going to admit that I am?"  
"Well we don't know it's true yet. But if it is, someone's done a very thorough job… every leader in Earth's history. Even…" He flicked more controls. "King Aeflweard, 924 AD to 924 AD. Reigned for four weeks. If I can scan his throne room for time distortions…"  
"I see, and find out who's rewriting history around you!"  
"Precisely, Peri." He swept around the console pushing buttons. "We'll see who's started all this devilry."

Three hours later he said he'd found the correct co-ordinates of the distortion and landed fifteen minutes and a few hundred meter away from it in an alleyway. As Peri went to walk out, the Doctor came out of the corridor, hauling a large mound of tarpaulins on a trolley.  
"Peri, there's no time, we'll have to hide the TARDIS. Cover it with these sheets while I investigate." Peri stared at him, exasperated, as he marched out the door.

It was for her own good, the Doctor reasoned, that she stays out of this one. These time distortions are so strong and rewriting so much it could easily be the work of an elder god, or even something more powerful I haven't even encountered yet. He walked along brown rows of thatched timber buildings towards the largest one at the center of the motley town. It was as he was approaching that he heard the wheezing sound of a TARDIS materialising. He ran through the mud towards the building and saw a police box had materialised. He was so aghast at the possibility that it might be him after all that he didn't hide until the last moment. He saw a figure step out. His time lord telepathy rumbled inside. That wasn't him. The time lord in question was dressed in fine clothes that obviously belonged to a rich man of the period. The last time he'd seen him he'd at least been dressed as a humble monk.

The Monk, or Mortimus as he was known on Gallifrey, went inside. A few minutes later he emerged with King Aeflweard and they went inside the TARDIS, and a second later the king was out, shouting for the treasurer. The Doctor was shocked at the recklessness but he kept watching, not wanting to spoil his only chance. Mortimus was pacing impatiently outside the TARDIS until the king emerged with a slave carrying chest of jewels and another with a fine sword. The Doctor could see him rolling up his sleeve as he took the chest, and he darted out and desperately shouted "Mortimusatodecaplattloomaceshwega!" Mortimus dropped the chest in fright as he heard his full time lord name. He looked around and his eyes fell on the Doctor with a look of seething hatred.  
"So," said the Doctor, enjoying his advantage. "Sell what seems to be a great treasure to every leader in Earth's history then disappear back into the TARDIS with your wrist device so they never stop looking for it, and leave me unable to return here in peace again. I should have expected something so petty from you."  
"You ruined me, Doctor! Made me completely lost in the universe!" screamed Mortimus.  
"Well I've always said travel broadens the mind, and you certainly could have done with that."  
"Enough of your insolence! But I can see that it's worked!" He started laughing. "Or you wouldn't be driven here to say that!" He laughed even harder, deliriously happy at how his plan had worked.  
"Oh, and what worked?" asked the Doctor.  
"Selling my chameleon circuit for a navigational…" Mortimus stopped laughing and glared at him. "But it doesn't matter, here," he kicked the treasure chest and addressed the king. "Keep these! And Doctor, keep this time period! Consider it my little gift to you." He disappeared inside his TARDIS and left the king and his slaves standing and looking completely at a loss to the whole situation. He sunk to his knees and looked to the Gods as the Doctor ran back to his TARDIS.

Peri had just finished putting up the sheets as the Doctor sprinted around the corner and pulled them all off in one stroke as he ran inside, dragging her too with his other hand. She glared at him furiously from a corner as he hurriedly pressed buttons and explained the situation to her.  
"So this Time Lord, he's impersonating you?"  
"Worse! He's impersonating my TARDIS!" he slammed his hand down on the console to emphasise his point. "He slipped that he sold his chameleon circuit for the unit which would let him choose where to travel again."  
"What happened to his first one?"  
"Not now, Peri. But this means he must have programmed his TARDIS to become a police box, probably on his first voyage."  
"So how does that help us exactly?"  
"He must have gone to the warehouse of them at some point to get the print! I've locked on to another time distortion. There!" He pulled a lever and the TARDIS thumped and dematerialised.

The TARDIS landed in one of the only spaces within the warehouse. It was split into two functional colours, grey for the building and blue for the stock. Rows of police boxes stretched for a quarter of a mile around.  
"So we're looking for a police box in a field of police boxes? At least you have half a chance with a needle in a haystack." She looked at the endless stream. "These rows all look the same!"  
The Doctor had anticipated this and took out his sonic screwdriver. He showed it to Peri.  
"This can't be used to enter a TARDIS, but it can break open the doors of a 1960s Police Box with ease. These people were never as prepared for an alien invasion as I am." He plugged the screwdriver into a slot in the TARDIS and pushed the button. Peri couldn't hear anything inside, but she looked at the scanner and saw all of the police box doors suddenly fly open.  
"Ah! And we look for the one which is still shut!" realised Peri.  
"Yes, there's no time to lose, he'll be here any second! Come on, run!" He darted outside with Peri. They ran through the building, desperately looking for any door which might have appeared and wasn't open. They'd searched half of it when they heard the sound of the materialisation. They gasped at each other and ran towards it.

It had landed right next to his TARDIS. The Doctor looked furious about this and shoved Peri inside out of harm's way and hid inside one of the empty booths.

It was then that Mortimus exited, along with a man he didn't recognise.  
"Very good! It worked perfectly," said the Time Lord. "I'm very pleased with your product. You can have the Chameleon Circuit now."  
"Are you sure? You end up with a TARDIS stuck as… this… forever," the man replied. The Doctor fumed.  
"No, no, this is exactly what we came here for. My last use of a Chameleon Circuit was used perfectly." He scratched the woodwork of the exterior with his fingernails.  
"Very well, now we trust each other, we'll get your circuit and I'll leave on my Vortex Manipulator." They went back inside. The Doctor ran inside his own, too.

Peri had been watching it all on the scanner.  
"So is that it, Doctor? He's made the deal now." Peri was looking at the floor. "He's just going to leave with that manipulator thingy and that Time Lord is going to have free reign to corrupt Earth for you." She looked back at him. "Can't you stop him?"  
"I don't know, I can't break into his TARDIS in the time we have…" The Doctor was staring defeated at the scanner. He went to say something else but he wasn't sure what. Peri was so saddened by his look.  
"Well perhaps you could at least stop the salesman so you can foil someone today?" she joked. He was so touched by her efforts that he was willing to humour her. He flicked a switch on the console.  
"There". She half-smiled. "That should stop him using that. Let's watch". The man stepped out of the TARDIS clutching the circuit with Mortimus. He shook his hand with his free one then set co-ordinates on his wrist device. He stood very still and stone-faced, expecting to dematerialise. After a few seconds he shook it and tried again. The Doctor and Peri laughed, and just as the Doctor was about to turn off the field, the man pulled out a gun at Mortimus and started shouting at him.  
"It says the interference comes from a TARDIS!" Mortimus looked terrified.  
"It wasn't me, I swear!" He started jabbering scientific sounding nonsense about trans-dimensional Artron systemical backlashes that he was sure would pass until the man fired a warning shot above his head.  
"I'm taking that unit back." Said the man as he ran inside while Mortimus followed him pleading desperately, not even thinking to close the door behind him.

The Doctor looked at Peri, hiding his pleasure at the blind luck which had befallen him.  
"Quite obvious plan really, but I suppose the results of my teaching you have to begin somewhere. Now just to make sure he doesn't try anything like that again." He strolled out leaving Peri almost wishing she hadn't tried to make him feel better in the first place.

The Doctor stood out of sight, hiding beside the open entrance to the other TARDIS. He could hear protests and ripping wires. He closed his eyes and spoke telepathically.  
"This is the Doctor. I knew what you were planning and I've stopped you before it even started." The protests went quiet but the ripping continued. "I punished you for interesting with time once and I will always be here to enforce that measure." The ripping stopped and he heard footsteps coming towards the door. "Don't think I will be so merciful again." He dashed back inside as the man came out with both circuits and vanished. Mortimus stayed inside and simply closed the doors.

The Doctor started setting co-ordinates. Peri looked on expectantly and a little confused.  
"Time should correct itself now," he said shortly, "He meddled but the timeline has now been corrected."  
"So… we can stay on Earth now?" Peri asked nervously.  
"Yes." The Doctor smiled. "I might even take you to meet those Kardashians." Peri looked up. "But only because I have an idea which could mean they can never set foot in New York again," he concluded with self-satisfaction as he set course for France. Peri stared at him for a moment before giving up and storming off into the corridor.


End file.
